Problem-solution Research Paper
How to Get Out of a
Toxic Relationship
I. Introduction
During the past five years, one of the popular search queries on Google is: “toxic relationship” (Figure 1). What exactly is a toxic relationship? According to Elizabeth Scott (2020), a Doctor of Philosophy from San Diego State University, “A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.” Fundamentally, any relationship that makes people experience worse instead of better can turn into toxic eventually. With the increased focus on toxic relationships in recent years, it seems important to investigate problems related to this issue. Thus, we strongly encourage people who are suffering from a toxic relationship to take the following steps to get out of a toxic relationship.
Figure 1: Trend in people searching the word “toxic relationship” on Google Trends
II. Problem
In regard to this toxic relationship issue, we can approach it from two directions. The first one is concerned about its increasing prevalence. As a matter of fact, toxic relationships have become more and more prevalent and are now a universal phenomenon, which most people may have experienced before. Although some people may think being in a toxic relationship is no more than a temporary experience, the truth is that it may have pretty serious repercussions on one’s life. According to a research conducted by Forth et al. (2021), victims of toxic relationships reported that they had been suffering from a variety of negative mental and physical consequences, such as Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. Another researcher said that, “Toxic relationship as an unhealthy relationship does have an impact on the occurrence of inner conflicts.” As a result, the extent to which the consequences of toxic relationships can go is rather significant. To better explore this issue, we conducted a survey and found that 67% of respondents reported that they have the experience of being in a toxic relationship (Figure 2). The results of our survey provided further evidence that toxic relationships are becoming predominant and they can cause severe impacts.
Figure 2: Proportion of people having the experience of being in a toxic relationship
The second direction to approach this issue is the general gap in previous studies. As we read through different information related to toxic relationship, we notice that many studies tend to suggest people leave their toxic relationships immediately. Although leaving the relationship may be widely considered as the most effective and efficient way to deal with this issue, there are other effective measures. Instead of providing only one solution to the problem, we decide to provide a more comprehensive tactic. Hence, based on previous studies, we recommend a three-step tactic while coping with a toxic relationship.
III. Recommendation
For the sake of improving a toxic relationship and minimizing the potential harmful impacts brought about by it, we strongly recommend that people take the following three steps. The first step is to clearly identify whether we are in a toxic relationship. Next, we have to take a proper course of action to improve it. The last suggested step is to check if the relationship can still work after undergoing some changes. By following these steps, people who suffer from this kind of situation can be more aware of the status quo of their relationship, and adopt proper measure to tackle with the problem promptly.
VI. Implementation: Step 1
First of all, we need to identify some crucial characteristics to make sure that we are in a toxic relationship. According to a journal article writer, there are several characteristics indicative of a toxic relationship, such as manipulation, verbal abuse, and emotional blackmail all these can be categorized as toxic behaviors. In our survey results, the most commonly reported toxic behavior is emotional blackmail. Among those who had experience of being in a toxic relationship, 78% of them reported that they had been emotionally blackmailed by their partners. The second common one is inclination of control. 57.6% of them noticed that their partners showed signs of wanting to control them (Figure 3). Since these toxic behaviors are highly discernible, we can easily identify whether we are in a toxic relationship based on these traits. In addition, knowing that there are some characteristics indicative of a toxic relationship, our awareness is also significantly enhanced— we can be more cautious. As a result, identifying toxic behaviors is rather crucial in order to make sure whether we are in a toxic relationship.
Figure 3: How people identify whether they are in a toxic relationship
V. Implementation: Step 2
Second, after confirming that we are in a toxic relationship, we need to fix or improve the relationship. That means, to regain the sense of self which we have abandoned for the sake of keeping the relationship alive, such as self-esteem, self-control and self-love. According to Forth et al. (2022), “Domination and discrimination are two components that indicate the poor quality of a relationship, which is called a toxic relationship and produced in heterosexual and/or homosexual relationships.” From this, we can understand that domination and discrimination are two main factors in the toxic relationship. Therefore, it is crucial to regain ourselves since it can prevent these two factors from happening. Our survey results showed that the most chosen solutions to improve a toxic relationship are: “trying to communicate with him/her” (84.9%), “refuting the unreasonable demands and restrictions from him/her” (73.6%), and “doing what he/she has restricted the respondent from doing” (34%) (Figure 4). These three solutions are all related to regaining the sense of self which we have abandoned. What’s more, there is 22.6% of the respondents who successfully improved a toxic relationship (Figure 5). And among them, 83.3% mentioned that they adopted these methods: “trying to communicate with him/her”, “refuting the unreasonable demands and restrictions from him/her” (Figure 6). Hence, the relatively efficient way to fix toxic relationships is to stop abandoning parts of ourselves, and start regaining them.
Figure 4: How people try to improve a toxic relationship
Figure 5: Success rate of trying to improve a toxic relationship
Figure 6: How people succeeded to improve a toxic relationship
VI. Implementation: Step 3
The last suggested step is to check if the relationship can still work after undergoing some changes. Sometimes, even if we find our partner is toxic, it is still hard to end the relationship. According to Meyer (2012), “All women were well aware of the risks associated with leaving their abusive partner, including their children’s safety, financial hardship, a lack of accommodation and the risk of fatal retaliatory violence.” Consequently, these risks often exceed the benefits of ending the relationship. The abusive relationship is included in the toxic relationship, and our survey also matched with what Meyer said. Figure 7 shows that many people didn’t try to get out of a toxic relationship due to the following reasons: “Emotions”, “finance”, “dependence”, and “being powerless” (e.g., People have been in an unequal relationship for a long time). In another words, there are lots of factors affect us to end a toxic relationship.
In addition to the mental health issues mentioned above, a toxic relationship can harm our health as well. A University of Michigan research (2016), said that "stress and negative relationship quality directly affect the cardiovascular system." Hence, it is crucial to find out how to get out of a toxic relationship. According to our survey, most people chose to “stop any contact with him/her” (80.4%) (Figure 8). And from Figure 9, 76.5% of the respondents ended the toxic relationship successfully, which shows that “stop any contact with him/her” is the most effective and direct way to get out of the relationship. Besides, 43.1% of the respondents chose to “confide in someone” by letting their friends and family members know about the toxic relationship, hoping to gain support throughout the process. In short, the relationship may not survive when it continues to deprive some parts of our freedom or rights. Thus, we need to take actions to end this toxic relationship.
Figure 7: Reasons why people didn’t try to get out of a toxic relationship
Figure 8: How people tried to get out of a toxic relationship
Figure 9: Success rate of trying to get out of a toxic relationship
VII. Conclusion
All in all, if we find ourselves in a toxic relationship, the above three steps can be implemented. These include making sure if we are in a toxic relationship, regaining the sense of self to fix the relationship, and leaving the relationships. Getting out of it is as important as improving a bad relationship, because not all the relationship can still survive after undergoing improvements. To conclude, if we can get out of the toxic relationships, our mental and physical health will not be affected.
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